My parents foster, a personal reflection

This is an extract from an essay by Charlotte Lochhead, one of the young champions from the project:

They stood there looking at me, not taking their eyes off me at each step I took towards the car. At that moment every memory that I had made with them came flooding back. I didn’t know what to think as I waved goodbye to them. I wished that we could have helped them more, made an even bigger improvement to their lives. But we couldn’t. They were gone.

In March 2013 my life was turned upside down when we got our first ‘placement.’ It seemed great at first but then the cracks began to show. I went from being an only child engulfed in my parent’s full attention to suddenly having a two and six year old sharing everything with me. Everything.

The 'terrible twos'

The term ‘terrible twos’ became a reality for me: the screaming, kicking, slapping, punching and spitting became a daily occurrence in my crazy household. I had my low days where I resented having the foster children in my house and only then did I realise how ridiculously selfish and jealous I had become. At times I didn’t even want to speak to them, eat with them or have to share the little time I got with my parents with them. Selfish? Yes it was, these children had come from a horrendous home life in which they had been scarred-mentally and physically.

The two girls came with nothing. Now, you may think that I am exaggerating when I say they came with nothing, but they did. They didn’t walk in clutching a teddy bear they had had since birth, nor did they come in with a picture of their mum and dad, not even spare clothes. Nothing. I had everything that I had ever wanted yet I thought I was the one who was having a hard time, when in reality it was the opposite. However, I could now sympathise with my friends who had siblings. It occurred to me that they were not exaggerating about how hard it was to share everything with someone.

The smiles make it worthwhile

It had not hit me yet how hard it was going to be, I struggled for weeks if not months with my new environment but slowly I finally adjusted to it. It was the good days we had with the children that got me through the rough periods: the smiles that illuminated their faces when we went for a family walk on the beach could make anyone feel guilty about how jealous they had been, and the good moments definitely outnumbered the bad.

I don’t think anybody could understand the intense bond you create with your foster children; they live in your home for months: you see them every day. I protected them as if they were my own siblings and tried to make everything enjoyable for them. I gave them both one of my childhood teddies to see if this would make them any happier at the beginning, and it did. They took the teddies to school and nursery and paraded them about the house. It is unimaginable how much of a difference one teddy bear can make to neglected children’s lives.

Fostering is not for everyone. It is hard work and you get days where you feel every emotion simultaneously. But each day you get the overwhelming feeling of knowing that you have helped a child in some way and I cannot think of anything more rewarding. You build connections that are irreplaceable and you only hope that you have made a lasting memory for the children.  

The Fostering Network brings together everyone who is involved in the lives of fostered children and young people to lead, inspire, motivate and support them to make foster care better. To support our work visit www.fostering.net/donate or to donate £10 text FOST37 £10 to 70070.