'Although there are challenges, I have gained so much as a child of foster carers'

I’m Liv, I’m 23-years-old and my parents have been fostering since I was 14.

Growing up in a fostering family has it’s challenges, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. I love watching the foster child grow and feel safe with my family. When they start saying “I love you” or call me “sister,” it means so much. Recently, my foster brother even changed his last name to match ours, and he was so excited to share the news with me and my siblings. It was such a beautiful moment.

I initially struggled with how my parents handled discipline differently for me and my foster sibling. They used therapeutic parenting with my foster brother, which was very different to how I was raised. Once my parents explained that it was about nurturing and helping children understand their behaviours, it made more sense to me. 
I also found it challenging with one particular foster sibling who, during special occasions like my birthday, prom, etc, would “cause issues” and make those days difficult. To cope, my mum would usually take me out of the house, and we’d try to enjoy the day together.

Another tough aspect was the transition process. Being the youngest of my three siblings and the only one still living at home when we began fostering, adjusting to someone new living with us and taking up a lot of my parents’ attention was hard, especially since I struggle with change. But the hardest part is when a foster sibling leaves, particularly if it doesn’t end well. It can be painful for both me and my family, and it often takes a few years to fully process.

Although there have been challenges, I have gained so much as a child of foster carers. Having an understanding of what can happen in the world and how people can be treated has made me appreciate what I have and not take it for granted. It’s also given me the confidence to talk to others about fostering and its importance.
Learning about therapeutic parenting has been really eye-opening. It helps me better understand my foster sibling, especially during challenging moments, because I can often identify the reason behind their behaviour.

Patience has been another big lesson! As the youngest of three, having a younger foster sibling has definitely taught me the importance of being patient.
If you’re thinking of fostering, I  would suggest involving your children in much of the process, as they play a significant role too. It’s important to give them one-on-one time and reassure them that they aren’t being replaced or forgotten. Also, being open with them is crucial—fostering can be challenging and messy at times, and it’s much better to have those conversations in a calm, safe environment rather than during moments of stress or hurry.