Step Up Step Down - the programme that changed everything for us

What was life like before you engaged with Step Up Step Down? 

At that time, I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and we were in the process of preparing for my son Darragh coming back home after two years in foster care following a house fire.  

Going through both these things at once was the worst experience of my life. It was all very bitter sweet – beginning chemotherapy whilst also preparing all my children, myself and the home for Darragh’s return. During this, I thankfully had Jonny, my new social worker from the South Eastern Trust, which was a blessing.  

He turned it all around for us and all the negativity and struggle began to feel hopeful again. He believed in me as a parent and made things happen. Eventually Jonny put in a referral for the SUSD service in 2022, which changed everything. If I’m honest, when I was told the referral had been accepted and I would have a place on the program soon, I didn’t know what to expect. I trusted Jonny who said it would be a great support for us all when Darragh came back home and in the lead up to that moment, which it was.

How has having a family support foster carer benefited your family?  

Dianne, our Family Support Foster Carer, has hugely impacted on me as a parent, as well as the children. Getting different advice, parenting tips and sharing experiences has been so great for me.  

She is so easy to talk to and I genuinely enjoy her company. Through mentoring she has taught me to how to implement bedtime routines and put boundaries in place for screen time before bed which has been really helpful.  

Dianne plays games with all the kids and has encouraged us to bond together as a family unit again. She takes both Darragh and my daughter, Clodagh, for short breaks which has really helped them bond together again as siblings.  

The short breaks have provided them with an opportunity to spend time together as children and as siblings. They come home buzzing after a day out with Dianne, full of stories! I like how she got to know what they liked to do and structured the short breaks around their interests. Me and the kids are really going to miss her, but we have had our time – it’s someone else’s turn to have her support, which I appreciate. 

What has your experience of attachment and trauma training been like? 

The training has been an emotional journey, on good levels. Getting to meet other people, building up confidence to share my story and to hear other people’s has been brilliant for me. It makes it all a bit easier to deal with. 

I get great advice in the groups and have learned so much. It feels like a safe place, and I feel cared for and looked after – even right down to the transport provision as I’m unable to drive, this really helps so much. The training has helped me recognise my own childhood trauma and how this has shaped me as a parent. It taught me that I can break the cycle and give my kids the opposite of what I got as a child. I didn’t get hugs, kisses or ‘I love you’, but I give these things a lot to my children now.  

How has your child engaging in therapeutic nurture groups and family activity days benefited them? 

Before we had our initial planning meeting for officially joining SUSD, Lisa and Jonny ensured that Darragh could join Dina Club in advance.  

This was very helpful and a great way of supporting him through the emotional transition of leaving his foster carers and moving back home with us. Dina Club really brought Darragh out of his shell. He loved the group and looked forward to it every week. I gradually saw him begin to settle down and he learnt so many strategies there.  

It was hard for him going from one home to another, a change of routines, of rules etc. but I have seen a big difference in him through it all. A huge benefit has come from activity days and summer schemes through SUSD. He has made lasting friendships, built resilience and learnt social skills.  

Clodagh’s confidence has also grown, she enjoys seeing her SUSD friends and gets to try new activities. For me, I like the workshops that we do with the other parents on the program, especially craft workshops. They always feel like a loving, warm experience – just being around people who really get you and support you. It just helps knowing that they are all there for me and my kids no matter what.  

What would your advice to a new family starting on their SUSD journey be? 

I would say embrace every part of it, go to everything, be grateful for all of it and your opportunity to receive this kind of support! Being referred to SUSD was the best gift ever for our family – it came along at exactly the right time for us when we really needed it. I am so grateful for everything you have all done for us and always will be. 

Step Up Step Down is one of the innovative programmes run by The Fostering Network – you can find out more information here.