Cathy Glass

As foster carers we often look after children who have been diagnosed with ADHD or exhibit the symptoms of this condition.

We often hear talk about life story work, and as foster carers we are expected to contribute to a life story book, sometimes without fully appreciating what it is or why it is so important.

We are all familiar with the naughty step which may also be a naughty chair, spot, or corner. It is a designated area where the child is made to sit alone for a set period of time (usually one minute for each year of the child’s age), until he or she is ready to rejoin the family or group and behave. Many parents, carers, childminders and nursery schools use the naughty chair and find it works well. It allows the child to take time out to calm down and reflect on his or her bad behaviour. It also reinforces in the child’s mind that he or she has been naughty and their behaviour is unacceptable.

Food is essential for life and therefore part of our nurturing and love. If a child rejects the food we have lovingly prepared then it is easy to feel they are rejecting us. Many of the children I’ve fostered have come to me with some form of ‘eating disorder’: refusing to eat, eating the smallest of amounts, eating only sweet foods, or gorging or binging until they are physically sick. Based on training, research for my book Happy Mealtimes For Kids, and over 25 years of fostering experience, I’ve put together some guidelines that can help achieve healthy eating.

The end of the year is traditionally considered a good time to reflect on what we have achieved during the year. It can come as a surprise to see how much we have been doing. Often we’re too busy doing it to notice. As a foster carer 2013 for me included seeing two children return to their families, giving respite to another child, mentoring two new carers, participating in the skills to foster training, as well as having the pleasure to meet Tayo again after nine years.

Even after fostering for 25 years I am still moved to tears by the abuse and neglect that some children have experienced at Christmas before coming into care. Their suffering seems more poignant at Christmas time when glad tidings of great joy should abound and love be with us all. I think I must have heard of every atrocity and sadness being committed over Christmas, from the little boy who carefully picked the batter off the two chicken nuggets he found in an otherwise empty freezer, to make them look more like the turkey he saw the rosy-cheeked children enjoying on television. To the four year old who was badly beaten on Christmas morning and then shut in a cupboard for waking his parents too early. He’d woken them to ask if Santa Clause had been – he hadn’t.

In the last blog I talked about children who were out of control, and I received many emails from carers who recognised the signs. In the 30 years I’ve been fostering I’ve learnt a lot about regaining control. It is achieved through action, word and body language as you take the reins and steer the child to acceptable behaviour. Be prepared for a rough ride for the first two weeks. The child or young person will not give up his or her position easily – it’s good being leader of the pack. Because there isn’t the space here to go into great detail please email me if you would like practical help, or more explanation on the 3Rs technique: cathy@cathyglass.co.uk

So what constitutes behavioural difficulties or a child out of control, and does it apply to your child?